These are my picks for the top five non-fiction books I read this year:
5- 10 Rules for Resilience by Joe De Sena
This is not your normal parenting book. The author is the founder of Spartan Death Races, so he has a different perspective than most humans and parents. Here are the ten rules:
Rule 1: You can’t, until you can- Build a better belief system.
Rule 2: Earned, not given - The power of hard work and delayed gratification.
Rule 3: Commit to no bull$hit - Eliminate the excess and excuses.
Rule 4: Live your values - Find your true north and communicate it.
Rule 5: Fail forward - Learn to embrace falling in the mud.
Rule 6: Dedicate to a daily routine - How schedules lead to success.
Rule 7: Discipline breeds responsibility - The impact of integrity.
Rule 8: Into the wild- Find joy in exercise and resist devices.
Rule 9: Raw courage- Getting a grip on fear.
Rule 10: Ready for anything- Have grit, change the world.
Before you can teach your kids the rules, you have to chase them yourself. The thing is, these are tough rules. Listening to this book triggered some shame and some guilt, and some reevaluating my life choices. I quit reading it for a bit while I processed some of it. Most of us (including me) are addicted to comfort, sugar, and safety. We pick the easy way. We avoid discomfort. We have all the excuses. But that’s not what we are made for. We are made to do crazy hard things. We are made to move. We are made to build and create. We are made for more.
This book has already challenged me. It changed my mind. It reminded me that I’m dangerous. It gave me permission to do weird stuff that challenges me. It challenged me to challenge my kids. It prompted me to take a walk in the rain (then the lightning got aggressive and Aubrey rescued me). I’m teaching my kids some of these lessons now.
At the end of the book, Joe lists these 12 Challenge Questions:
1. What am I doing for my kids that they could be doing for themselves?
2. When my children are experiencing difficult emotions, how can I take a step back and let them experience those emotions?
3. What should I say no to the next time my kids push for it?
4. What do I want my kids to see me doing?
5. What one rule do I want to enforce on a daily basis?
6. What is one mature behavior I can demand from my children?
7. What fears, from ticks to a fear of heights, am I discussing in front of my children, and how can I talk about it in a way that is productive?
8. What would be an exciting and slightly scary challenge for my kids?
9. What outdoor game or activity would be fun to play with my children?
10. What natural wonder would I like to take my kids to experience?
11. What must my children accomplish before they get screen time?
12. What is something I am good at that I’ve always wanted to teach my children?
Have you ever done an obstacle course race? How do you feel about burpees? When was the last time you got really muddy? One other challenge in the book that I am pondering is this: Do something new every week.
This is for anyone looking for a good motivational kick in the shin.
(Rated R (language), Score 9/10, audiobook read by the author, 7:03)
4 - Slow Productivity by Cal Newport
I think one of the best parts about this book is that it follows its own advice. The author breaks down his approach to slow productivity into three simple parts: 1- Do fewer things. 2- Work at a natural pace. 3- Obsess over quality. If the problem you are trying to solve is a frantic obsession with business, writing a book with 37 tips for slowing down wouldn’t quite work. I like the slow, simple outline of the book. I like the author’s style. The message is perfect for me (and probably for you) at this time in my life and career. I’ve been so busy, so distractible, and ready for change. The author offers hope, wisdom, and permission to let go of the chaos. Logically, it makes sense how we got to this point where we are trapped in a digital spiral of doom, email, IMs, video meetings, and despair. The busier we look, the more productive we must be right? Right? No. It’s probably the opposite. By being busy we dilute our work. We don’t get deep into the work that matters. We stay on the surface answering status emails and reporting no progress because we haven’t had any time or space to focus. So, instead of burning out or silently quitting, we need to do less. Permit ourselves to not be a slave to email and chat requests. Breathe. Take walks. Schedule time for our most valuable projects. Say no, politely, and firmly to projects we can’t, shouldn’t, or don’t want to do. Understand our value and our sweet spots, then do more of that. Say no to meetings. And when we look back, recognize that real work takes time, persistence, and a different sort of approach. Of course, life requires balance. You can’t implement all these ideas immediately without consequences. You might get fired. And then again, you might not. I think we have more freedom to choose the right pace than we know. So, slow down. Breathe. Say no. Protect your time and space for creation. Give up the things that don’t matter to focus on the things that do. Say, like Nehemiah, when distractions come, “I am doing a great work, and cannot come down.” Work at your craft. Develop your taste. Rest after seasons of furious activity. This is how you keep from burnout.
This is for the tired, frantic, busy souls.
(Rated PG, Score 10/10, audiobook read by the author, 6:17)
3 - Leadership is Language by David L. Marquet
Several folks in my work group read Turning the Ship Around and it made a big difference in the way we talk and lead. This is a follow-on book that addresses some of the same areas but focuses on the language our teams use to execute work. The book starts with a tragic story about the sinking of El Faro, a massive cargo ship lost in a hurricane. Marquet details the issues, language, and mindsets that caused the ship to sail into danger and destruction. The premise of the book is then to show how using new language and a new playbook would prevent such mistakes. The goal of the new playbook is to give leaders the proper language and awareness to balance deliberation (Bluework) and action (Redwork).
Marquet introduces six new plays to avoid old/outdated plays:
Control the clock - not obey the clock
Collaborate, not coerce
Commit, not comply
Complete, not continue
Improve, not prove
Connect, not conform
There are chapters for each of these new plays that explain the dangers of the old plays and the benefits of using better language to call the new plays. Chapter 9 runs through several situations and how the leaders in them can call better plays for better results. Chapter 10 is a hypothetical outline of how the leaders of El Faro could have used the new plays to communicate more effectively and make better critical decisions.
Each chapter has a wealth of wisdom and ideas for implementing the new plays. Marquet is slow and deliberate in his description of each old/new play combo, calling on stories from the Oscars to submarine tactics, to more common business issues. The content is actionable, relatable, and well-organized.
One growth area for me is to work on my Collaborate play. Often, I believe I already know what the best answer is and I try to coerce others into following my lead and coming to my conclusions. I am working to be more curious. I am working to ask better questions and be more patient while others share their perspectives. I am working to invite dissent rather than trying to drive to consensus.
Marquet emphasizes the goal of having a learning mindset. If we approach problems with a desire to learn, grow, connect, and understand, we cannot lose. Even in failure, we will be strengthened by new relationships, ideas, knowledge, and wisdom. Psychological safety is so important in allowing a group or culture to face its challenges, focus on problems and processes rather than blaming people, and connect to create solutions where none appeared before.
Phil, thanks for giving me this book and walking through its lessons with me.
This is for anyone interested in learning how to be a better leader.
(Rated PG, Score 10/10, audiobook read by the author, 10:40, Hardcover, 352p.)
2 -The Art Thief by Michael Finkel
Can you imagine being brave enough to steal a piece of art from a museum while it was open? I’m not that brave. I struggle to steal a handful of mints from Chick-fil-A, even though they are free and no one guards them. Imagine stealing art every weekend for years in multiple cities and countries across Europe. Stéphane Breitwieser and his girlfriend Anne-Catherine Kleinklaus are the subjects of this amazing true story of the most prolific art thieves in history. The author does a wonderful job of telling the story. He describes the events cleverly blending storytelling style and reporting facts. Breitwieser is a bizarre character. He never really grows up. He can’t keep a regular job. He lives in his mother’s attic with his girlfriend, and the two pack the room with priceless treasures. They work together to case museums, find weaknesses in security and displays, and walk out with all kinds of art, including weapons, snuff boxes, paintings, statues, silver, and tapestries. Breitwieser is a student of art. He reads and studies all about the pieces he wants to collect. He fancies himself a true collector, worthy of the pieces he steals. To him, what he is doing is rescuing the art from unworthy places. He never sees his stealing as wrong. Anne-Catherine is harder for me to understand. She is more conservative during their outings. She is less willing to risk getting caught. She keeps her job as a nurse throughout the whole story. She’s capable of walking away from the art, but why would she stay in such a crazy relationship for so long? This book reads like fiction. The storyline is cleverly arranged. The characters are memorable. The scope of thievery is hard to grasp in pure volume and audacity.
This is for thieves, lovers, and security types.
(Rated PG-13, Score 10/10, audiobook read by Edoardo Ballerini and the author, 5:39)
1- Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek
This is a trend-breaking book. It flies in the face of the latest management trends that put stockholders first and numbers above all. Sinek takes us back to our roots- back to simpler times when we had to trust our leaders for survival. Today, we have a corporate world where we use mass layoffs as tools, where investors are kings, and where we've lost the trust of the people we lead. I love this book. It speaks directly to the heart of so much of the dysfunction I have observed in my corporate job. It is a call to something better. It is a call for better leaders.
The book is broken into eight parts. It covers many ideas from brain chemistry to generational development to the way abstraction kills. I gained the most insight from parts two, four, and five.
Part two discusses the different types of chemicals our bodies use to reinforce behaviors: EDSO -Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin. These chemicals teach us to do things that benefit us. They can be helpful or dangerous based on how we learn to trigger them. I learned that Serotonin and Oxytocin are trust chemicals. They trigger the feelings of togetherness and trust. For me, they are the feelings of being a part of a group and inside a circle of trust. We spent a lot of time building these chemicals in team sports and on volunteer projects. I probably need to be more deliberate about creating spaces for these chemicals in my work, my family, and my friends. To me, this feels like everyone pitching in to clean up after a party.
Part four explained some American history going back to the 1920s, describing the generations that pulled together during the Great Depression and World War II. These generations sacrificed to survive. There were great leaders and lots of ways to get Serotonin and Oxytocin, but after these generations came the Baby Boomers. This generation has grown up selfish. They didn’t have the same need for sacrifice or togetherness. When they came into power, they dismantled the structures put in place to protect. They sacrificed safety for greed. Now we are experiencing the natural consequences of that nearsighted behavior. The perspectives in this section hit me with new weight as I am a little older and better able to see more of these impacts through my own experience.
Part five describes in great detail how humans use abstraction to justify great evils like the Holocaust, torture, and war. It’s easy to disassociate humans when they are numbers, statistics, or enemies. It’s a lot harder to dehumanize someone when you share a meal with them. So many of our big companies today have leaders who don’t or can’t see the people working for them as people and not tools. Numbers in spreadsheets don’t have to feed families. They don’t have hopes and dreams. When leaders isolate themselves from the people they lead, they forget why they have the authority they wield. If you are a leader, lean in to your people. Really see them as humans. Serve them. Invest in them. Don’t treat them like numbers. Don’t let them become abstract ideas. Say their names. Meet their families. Know their kids’ names. It will make you a better leader.
“Let us all be the leaders we wish we had.”
This is for growing leaders, cynics, and learners.
(Rated PG-13, Score 10/10, audiobook read by the author, 9:23)
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