These are my picks for the top five non-fiction books I read this year:
5- Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
This is the hardest book I read this year. It comes during a time when I needed the perspective it offers. This book is about how our society deals with the aging generation. The author is a surgeon who set out to understand how we got to where we are today with medicine, nursing homes, and so much fear of death. I’m not medically educated, so the topics in this book were tough on me. I have some tough memories/trauma with hospitals. The author tells the history of our nursing home systems and how they have evolved into the different care centers we have now. He tells several stories of people progressing from being independent through the different types of assisted living and on to nursing homes and sometimes ending life in the hospital and sometimes in the care of loved ones or hospice. Each story has tension created by the need to keep the aging person safe and healthy while allowing them to maintain some control over their own stories. In some cases, caretakers and facilities take away all of the individual's choices, schedules, risks, and autonomy. These facilities are very safe and efficient, but they seem to lack soul. In healthier facilities, the individuals are allowed to make their own choices. They are still the authors of their own stories. In the best cases, they still provide value, they heal, they recover, and in some cases, even recover enough to go back to living on their own. The biggest lesson I learned from the book is that it is critical to have hard conversations with our loved ones as they age and navigate hard situations. We must be willing to ask them if they understand their situation, what they see their choices being, and how they would like to be treated as the situation evolves. Having the courage to talk through these hard topics allows us to honor their wishes when times get intense or when they no longer have the power to choose for themselves. Avoiding these questions can lead to pain, regret, and wondering. Leaning into the tough questions helps to remove doubt, establish a plan, and connect emotionally with people who deeply need that connection. Thanks, Mom, for making me read this hard book. It gave me wisdom and perspective.
This is for anyone with friends or family going through hard medical issues or aging questions.
(Rated PG, Score 8/10, audiobook read by Robert Petkoff, 9:03)
4- Becoming a King by Morgan Snyder
This book is written by a friend of one of my favorite authors, John Eldredge. John wrote the foreword explaining some of the process Snyder went through to write this book. In the introduction, Snyder explains how he wrote letters to men asking for wisdom and guidance on his path to becoming a better man. These letters and ten years of living life as a student and diving deep into what it means to walk the ancient paths hand in hand with the Father have led to this book. Here are the chapter headings which outline the journey each man has before him.
Becoming Powerful
Becoming a Son
Becoming True
Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be
Becoming a Generalist
Becoming a Warrior
Becoming Good Soil
Becoming Deep Roots
Becoming Like-Hearted
As I listened to the book, here are some of the ideas that resonated with me.
1-Becoming powerful. A kingdom is defined by the range of your effective will. The power entrusted to most men often brings harm. Many powerful men destroy or harm those they should be protecting. How can we become powerful and use our power to protect and grow rather than to harm?
2-Becoming a son. This is about understanding who we are in relation to the Father and allowing that relationship to grow properly.
5- Becoming a generalist. This section spoke deeply to my soul as a man. It is about learning all kinds of skills, working with your hands, being brave, trying new things, and becoming more useful as a man. Some days I feel like I can do anything. Other days I feel like an imposter. This was a challenge to lean into problems with curiosity, courage, and a willingness to learn, grow and be challenged.
7- Becoming good soil- opening our hearts to what God is trying to do in our lives.
8- Becoming deep roots. There are many practices we can choose to help our roots go down deep into the peace, power, and stability of the Father. Practice of engagement. Practice of play. Choose play. Laugh. Be present. The practice of defiant joy. Joy is the direct defiance of the kingdom of darkness. The practice of worship. The practice of adventure. Practices of abstinence. I chose to abstain from sugar during Lent this year. There were some dark days when all I wanted to do was eat all the sugar, but I managed to be disciplined. As a result, I am healthier, calmer, thinner, and stronger mentally. Practices of being weird. My friend Phil does weird things for his own reasons like wearing bright and fun shoes when he runs training classes at work. I love this example. It allows me to do weird things too for the sake of my own joy and freedom.
9- Becoming like-hearted. This is about surrounding yourself with men who are aiming at the same goals and growing together. Building your tribe. Sign treaties with men you love and respect- when they are at war, you are at war. Here are some questions to ponder about your direction for the next ten years: Who will carry my casket? What are my questions? Who am I asking them? Where do I need to say No? Who do I want to become? What takes men out of the fight?
10- Becoming a king. Like God asked Adam in the garden, where are you? God knew where Adam was. The question was relational. God wanted Adam to realize he was far from God and needed to turn his heart toward the Father and seek the healing of their relationship. Go listen to the stories of older, wiser men. I got a ton of value and encouragement from this book. Each section is filled with ideas, questions, prayers and wisdom that could be pondered long and incorporated well into a man’s life. This book has a study guide and a video study which I also intend to dig into. Let me know if you want to join me. Eddie, thank you for being part of my tribe, going to war when I am at war, and for being a man of power, honor, and generosity in my life. Also, thank you for recommending this book.
This is for men seeking to grow closer to the Father to be better kings in His Kingdom.
(Rated PG, Score 10/10, audiobook read by the author, 10:06)
3- take less. do more. by Glen Van Peski
This is a fantastic book written as a collection of life lessons by the author. Glen is an engineer by trade, but most of the lessons in this book come from his adventures as an ultralight backpacker. Glen got into backpacking with his son and their Boy Scout troop. He quickly learned that to go farther, faster, he needed to carry less. The book is divided into two parts: 1-take less. 2- do more. The lowercase title even gets into the spirit of the book. The lower case font takes less ink to print than an upper case font or a longer title. The first half of the book contains seven lessons about taking less. The second half is about doing/being more. Glen has amazing stories, a fantastic partner, Francie, and very interesting perspectives coming out of the wisdom he gained along the way. Glen talks about how the wilderness provides perspective. It has great power to strip away our comforts and petty worries and take us back to what truly matters in life. The wilderness helps us need each other. Glen also points out that when you go into the wilderness you are only three bad decisions away from never coming back. Glen teaches about the power of taking only what you need and how that allows you to go farther, faster, see more, and potentially carry extra to help other travelers. One danger Glen points out with taking “take less” to an extreme is that you might not have enough. There is a balance between taking what you need, taking everything, and taking not enough. In the do more part, Glen talks about the importance of building relationships, being generous, and learning from failure. Glen talks about all the opportunities he came across by being open to new things, being generous with what he had, and deliberately meeting new people. Here’s one of my favorite quotes: “One surefire way to navigate through sadness is to be of service to someone else. When I get out of myself and my personal bog of despondency by seeing what I can add to another’s life, it works every time.” At the end of the book Glen did this neat thing I’ve never seen before: He summarized his life from two perspectives. First, he told the hardship story where he only included the hardships he faced in his life. He tells all the bad things from anxiety, abuse, misfortune, surviving a plane crash, Francie’s depression, and his son Derek’s severe handicaps and eventual death. Then he flips the script and tells the happiness story where he shows how he overcame the bad, how he has been able to thrive in the face of challenges, and how he has been blessed with amazing talent, friends, and adventures. Both stories are absolutely true, but separately, they don’t tell the whole truth. What story are we focusing on? I learned a lot from reading this book. I hope to implement some of the ideas about taking less and doing more in my own home and family. Thank you, Eddie, for lending me this book.
This is for anyone who loves the outdoors and crazy adventure stories.
(Rated PG, Score 9/10, hardback, 253p.)
2- Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara
It’s been almost 20 years since I worked in hospitality, but the experience changed me dramatically. I worked at several restaurants and bars in college, and those jobs changed the way I interact with people. I opened up and learned to listen and anticipate needs. This book is about the author’s journey. It starts early with his parents and takes us all the way to when his team becomes the number one restaurant in the world. This is a well-written book. The stories are crisp and meaningful. There are many leadership lessons and actionable ideas. As I listened to the audiobook, I often had to stop and make notes. This is not just a book about the high-end food business. It is a book about life and the pursuit of excellence. It is about learning how to connect with customers and teammates on a deeper level. It’s about making magic. I was recommending it to teammates before I was halfway through, and it got even better as it went on. Here are some ideas that stuck with me.
~ “Because we always have” is a great flag that the rule/practice/process needs a closer look.
~ Criticize in private. Praise in public.
~ Morale is fickle.
~ Make it cool to care.
~ Choosing conflicting goals forces you to innovate. Hospitality versus excellence.
~ “It might not work” is a terrible reason not to try an idea.
~ There is often a really good idea right behind a bad one.
~ Being right is irrelevant if you are trying to connect. Saying I’m sorry does not mean that you are wrong. It means you’re trying to build a bridge.
~ Praise is affirmation, but criticism is investment.
~ Slow down. DBC-deep breathing club. Ask for help. Systematize it.
~ Start with what you want to achieve instead of limiting yourself to what’s achievable or sustainable.
~ Control and trust are not friends.
The author told many stories about going above and beyond what people need when practicing hospitality. The ones that stuck with me were the ones where the team was able to listen to their customer’s needs and make custom miracles for them. Like the kids who had never seen snow, the staff bought two sleds and sent them to Central Park for some sledding. Or the group of foodies who hadn’t been able to try a famous New York hotdog, but Will heard them and bought one and plated it all fancy for them before they had to leave town. They even created a position called a Dreamweaver, whose job it is to make magic (unreasonable hospitality). By focusing on the people and making connections with them, the staff was able to change the restaurant industry to focus on people and not just the food. This lesson is valuable in most (if not all) industries. Be excellent and connect with people.
This is for anyone looking for ways to make magic or take their service up a notch.
(Rated PG, Score 10/10, audiobook read by the author, 8:37)
1- Supercommuicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg
Some books are so good that I dread writing reviews for them. I know that no matter what I say, I won’t do the book justice. This is one of those books. It is excellent, important, and filled with actionable ideas that have the power to help anyone and everyone. As humans, we have to communicate to survive. Some of us are better communicators than others. Some people naturally understand how to communicate and connect with others. Some of us struggle to connect. It turns out that when we fail to connect and communicate, it’s usually because we are having the wrong type of conversation and asking the wrong questions. To set the baseline, Duhigg describes the three conversations we have: 1- What’s this really about? 2- How do we feel? 3- Who are we? There are practical/tactical conversations, emotional conversations, and social conversations. Some conversations will move between the three types as they evolve. Duhigg also helps us out by outlining four rules for meaningful conversations: 1-Figure out what type of conversation we are having. 2- Share your goals for the conversation. 3- Ask about other’s feelings and express your own. 4- Ask if identities are important to the conversation. To explain these rules Duhigg weaves them into the four parts of the book. After an overview of the conversation types and matching principle, Duhigg uses the trial of Leroy Reed to show a Supercommunicator at work and explain how the jury conversation evolves and how we navigate and negotiate our way through each conversation we have. Next, we learn how to ask better questions and notice clues about how people feel. We learn how to loop for understanding, ask questions for clarity, and make sure we see the other person’s perspectives and feelings. Part 3 covers social identities and offers tips and reminders about how to introduce new perspectives into conversations by reminding people of all the identities they have. Part 4 is all about making hard conversations easier. My takeaways from the book are to work on building these three habits: 1- Be aware of what type of conversations I am in. 2- Ask deeper questions. Deep questions are not about facts but are about hopes, dreams, feelings, and experiences. 3- Prove I am listening by looping for understanding, matching (repeating what someone says in my own words), and asking for confirmation.
This is for anyone who needs help, a hug, or to be heard.
(Rated PG-13, Score 10/10, audiobook read by the author, 7:28)
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